Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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