**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
