Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
