I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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