This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
