She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
