FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
