The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
