So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
