i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need moral support for this bender
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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