I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
