help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
