my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
