I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
