Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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