i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
