FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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