i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
