You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
