you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
