Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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