My brain says no but my pants say off.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
