I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
