Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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