the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
