he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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