my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
