Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
