Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We have started to decorate penises.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
