I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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