STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
