Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no you cant smoke seaweed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
