she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
