I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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