You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dignity is for republicans.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
