After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
