I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
