You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
