with your own penis?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
