so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was like eating out sand paper
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
