I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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