I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
