Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
