my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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