I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
