I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
