Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
