Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
