Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
