This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
