i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
