As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drake has all the answers
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
