I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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