mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
