so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
