I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
