can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
